Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Carl Eller, You Could Get Tased!

If you are a 6'6" 270 lb former NFL defensive lineman who was part of the Purple People eaters and you are drunk, blow through a stop sign at high speed, come within an inch or two of side swiping a police car who is at that stop sign, refuse to stop when the nice officers ask you, and then proceed to say you're gonna kill the nice officers when they ask you to hit the ground...

You Could Get Tasered!


But you won't even notice because, heck, you're a former NFL great, one of the baddest men alive, and you can simply swat the nice officers across the garage without trying...

Antaya said Eller didn't respond to repeated commands to get down on the floor or show his hands, which were covered by his coat. "I didn't know what I was dealing with," Antaya said, adding that Eller was already under arrest for fleeing police. "He was fairly large. I wasn't going to fight with him."

No, he was going to fight with you. Ever watch a cat toy with a mouse? And, uh, "fairly large?" That's like saying a skunk sort of smells.

Antaya said he shot Eller with his Taser, but that didn't faze him. The officer then tried to tackle Eller, but said, "It didn't happen" and Eller lifted him up off the ground.

Antaya again tried to stun Eller with the Taser gun, but it didn't work: "At that point, he said he was going to kick my ass." He said a punch to Eller's face had no effect and Eller then threw him across the garage.

Porras also was trying to subdue Eller to little effect, Antaya said. The two radioed for backup and kept on fighting but were swatted and pushed down by Eller, who at one point told the officers he was going to kill them, Antaya said.

Eller punched Antaya in the face, knocked him out, twisted his leg extremely hard and bent back his thumb to the point the officer thought it would break, Antaya testified.

When another officer showed up, Eller eventually relented. "I believe he said, 'All right, I'm done' and he just quit fighting," Antaya said.

Man, that Taser should have stayed in the holster. You just made him mad.

Mr. Eller, please get some counseling, and would you please mind NOT killing our nice officers? We spend a lot to train and equip them, and we think of them fondly. Thanks in advance...

Holy Cow. You know, if I'm a peace officer confronting a 6'6" 270 lb minor deity, I think I'm going to wait for backup -- lots of backup -- before getting physical over a drunk driving beef. The car was in the garage, the driver was now NOT driving and was out of the vehicle -- TOWERING over me and my partner. Heck, call in the National Guard! I'm waiting well out of reach of that behemoth...

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